Estella's Ghost

from The Beginner's Guide To Birds ( 2 0 0 3 - 2 0 1 8 ) by Painkiller The Pigeon

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about

Recorded in the Fullerton Ave living room and back bedroom, Chicago IL

Original session lost, final mix from November 11, 2005

lyrics

I raised my glass, but not to toast
Because inside my throat is where I caught her ghost
It makes me such
A thirsty host
Estella's Ghost

I know exactly when it was I changed
Exactly when my thoughts got rearranged
It was fifteen years ago this Saturday
I noticed that my moods got in the way
Of something vague
That had some other game
Estella's Ghost

She kept her distance while she was alive
Until the night when sinister she sighed
"A friend's apartment, can I get a ride?"
Oh my insides
I thought it was my time
Estella

Fifteen years ago last Saturday
I drove but didn't think that I would stay
But she got her way
And I stayed just in case
Estella

She was suddenly all touching and loose hugs
When the party turned ugly, she just shrugged
When everyone turned to run
She gave my hand a tug
I was well and truly stunned
Cause as I turned to run
Her tongue found my tongue
I heard the gun
They opened fire
And we were one...
Estella's Ghost

Soon enough I learned to let it lead
More often than not it spoke for me
I never drink
But now I'm six by three
Estella's Ghost

Her liquor slicks down the back of my throat
So sometimes I don't even know
What words she'll decide should flow
Well, now my friends
Well, they don't call no more
Estella's Ghost

Now I sting my head with major tones
Because right between ears is where I caught her ghost
On nights like this, what I wonder most
Is why it was me that she chose?
Well, was it something to show me
How easily she could own me?
There was something I can't describe
Some evil sparkle in her eyes
But what I can't decide
Is why did she want to die
And haunt my mind?

Tonight's our anniversary
Which no one knows
She has me pour another gin and coke
The walls are close
So raise a toast to drown Estella's Ghost
And not to boast
But my therapist says I might be getting close

credits

from The Beginner's Guide To Birds ( 2 0 0 3 - 2 0 1 8 ), released December 4, 2020

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Painkiller The Pigeon Los Angeles, California

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